The air was thick with the smell of burnt rubber, the individual responsible for it was currently downing her 30th shot of the night in the back bar. She wrinkled her nose at the thought of that space. Burping competitions and burnouts were hardly how she wanted their meeting to go.
It wasn’t a date, they weren’t on a date. Nothing so boring as that, this was a liaison, a meeting of common minds and interests. You didn’t date. Not this century. They weren’t the dating types.
Looking around the booths she thought she saw the one she was meeting, a flash of orange out the corner of her eye. Alas no. It was him. Talking about his country house again. He was always going on about the house in England he’d renovated and was now taking couples through. Nothing ever happened with him. Maybe the occasional murder in a neighbouring town, but he never really worried. His mate, no, his associate, his chum Barnaby would sort those things out. He preferred to quaff some brandy.
She wondered if she should have a drink, calm her nerves. After so long chatting online, private messages, even, when she’d had too many red wines with her older sister some cheeky snapchats sent she was still nervous meeting in public. Meeting together, for this.
Maybe, she thought it was in the restaurant that she’d find their meeting place. Walking through the gaming area X was there and his younger brother XI. Their younger sibling was probably sharing a yard glass out in the back bar. She wondered if she could do something for them, but, if they were her, she mused there was nothing she could do.
In the restaurant there were two Americans, at least that’s what she thought at first, one loud and brash guy and someone with so much bling she was for a moment dazzled. They were deep in conversation about network rights or something boorish. She shifted her coat around as she passed them.
She walked past them out into the courtyard, a rising worry taking hold. Maybe they’d got their schedules mixed up. Maybe they’d timeshifted the wrong thing.
Out in the courtyard, under an umbrella she saw a smoke trailing away from a lone figure. She was wearing a hat, perhaps against the cold, she wasn’t sure.
Her body, a casual shape of brush marks and curves, it was even more luxurious in real life.
She smiled at her as she sat down, the two of them together at last.
She complimented her on her own outfit.
They’d said something hard wearing, for their date that wasn’t a date.
You didn’t really date like this.
“Are you ready?” Her opposite number asked as she stubbed out what was mostly just a butt into the container on the table.
She nodded. They’d talked about this, not being a date. But they were going to make it memorable.
“Any problems?” She asked nodding to her coat.
No one suspected a thing as she walked through the pub. They’d all mocked them, tried to get in on the action.
“Well, let’s do this.” She grinned and withdrew the semi-automatic from her coat. “Hand in hand?” She asked with a grin.
--//
There were ratings spilling all over the floor as she tossed a grenade into the back bar. Her friend had brought it along just in case. She was glad of it. She didn’t want to go in there.
Stepping outside the pub she was buzzing, her friend had already lit up as their ride pulled up. The big B.
She looked to her friend as they both looked to the big B.
Should we? She looked to her friend.
Her friend laughed. The big B looked nervous.
That expression was the last he had as his contract was terminated.
They’d manage their own. They didn’t need an agent.
They didn’t need anyone.
ABC
"Dirty Laundry Live" - Pilot 2
Dirty Laundry Live - Pilot 2 - 9th May 2013
I am a relatively honest audience member whenever I go and see whatever. I’m not going to fake enjoyment of a show. Wil Anderson has talked of this in podcasts before; that American audiences know how to behave they shout and holler, they clap and stamp their feet and whatever else when a comedian comes on stage. Australian audiences sit there and say ‘let’s see if you can make us laugh’ and British audiences say ‘fuck you for even trying’.
Laughing however is an involuntary act, that’s what makes it so wonderful and personal.
I am, though, also aware that in certain situations you as an audience member also have a part to play in the production, and that your entertainment and laughter is secondary to actually attaining that.
I’ve never been to a “live” TV show recording before. Although, I have studied TV studio production in the past and could probably still describe all the roles of a TV studio production; what they do, what they’re responsible for and all the various bits of TV studio production. If needed I could probably write up a relatively rambling essay on the subject and very likely did so in the past.
Going into this the second pilot recording of “Dirty Laundry Live” I had some idea of what was needed of the audience, what the crew and personalities on the set needed, along with how long things would take.
While I am an honest audience member when seeing comedy and the like that is reality and TV is anything but. I knew that being an audience member, even in this, a pilot recording/practice run meant I needed to act or to fake it, for the good of the show. That meant any small titter of laughter I felt should be cranked up to 11 and then throw in some additional clapping.
Everyone was on board.
All 35 of us.
Which was around about a quarter of the seats in the studio.
The ABC’s website for Dirty Laundry Live describes it thusly; “Lawrence and his panel of celebrity guests will pull apart the major pop culture stories of the week in an unpredictable, irreverent and unscripted live-to-air quiz show, where anything could happen”.
Again, I should say that what I saw wasn’t the actual show, but the second pilot. The second pilot of 2 as the next show up on the 16th May 2013 is Episode 1 according to the ABC’s seat booking site.
The idea of this pilot was basically a practice run through everything that they would do on the night.
Unlike say a US drama pilot where you see everything in the pilot and then see the next episode where they’ve replaced one of the supporting actors and changed locations between the series and pilot.
Dirty Laundry Live aims I think to be a show about celebrity, mocking it and the week's events that have appeared in gossip magazines and in the other media. Combined with some analysis and more jokes.
That’s at least that's what I think it'll be.
There's also some game show stuff which it shares with Spicks and Specks; "white board games" where stuff is moved around on a board. It also shares a bit of the Tractor Monkeys vibe in the 'let's look at a clip and talk about it' discussion starter.
Layout wise Dirty Laundry Live is similar to practically all panel shows. Though the actual host/guest layout is similar to another ABC stable; Qi. Lawrence Mooney is host, off to his side (camera left) is Brooke Satchwell, who'll be there all of the time. Kinda like Alan Davies is to Stephen Fry.
At the Pilot 2 recording there were three comedians as guests; Matt Okine, Zoe Coombs Marr and Tommy Little.
They were all competently funny and good at responding to the material provided. Although Tommy Little was the most comfortable on the set and the most casual in responding to the material provided. The others were good, although not at the same level.
I think this was down to this being a pilot and not a real "live to air" show, the lack of audience and the immediacy of a live show decreased their enthusiasm slightly.
Dirty Laundry Live also has an "on location" reporter (who isn't), on location in the ABC sense which means standing in front of a green screen plus some pre-recorded stuff. That was red headed bombshell comedian of the MICF 2013 Luke McGregor, who was his marvellously awkward self. His prerecorded "interview" with Josh Thomas was hilariously funny and I couldn't tell what parts were scripted and what wasn't.
I think when Dirty Laundry Live goes to air McGregor will find himself a lot more fans than he already has.
Looking at this the second pilot I don’t think the show knows what it wants to be yet. I think it’s also sitting in the shadow of many other ABC panel shows like; The Glass House, Spicks and Specks, Randling, Tractor Monkeys and to a lesser extent The Gruen Transfer.
Dirty Laundry Live should avoid the problems of Randling by being live to air (Randling was recording in one block), which means any problems can be fixed between Episode 1 and Episode 2 or over the course of several episodes, slowly refining it if need be.
Dirty Laundry Live will it seems be taking the best bits out of Spicks and Specks and Tractor Monkeys; the trivia and casual fun games and then mix it in with some current celebrity gossip and media event analysis. I doubt it will be as hard analysis as The Gruen Transfer, but if they get the right guest on it may eventuate.
During this pilot recording there were hints of this. There was a “white board game” (the Floor Manager’s words not mine) where a board of 4 photos of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West based on this image.
It was a ‘match the headline to the photo, with each photo having been used by a different gossip magazine. One of the photos had also been photoshopped by the magazine to further improve their headline.
This element was interesting, almost Gruen-style revelation of how the magazines write copy to the photos.
The way it was presented in the game it worked, just not well, but something that I think they’ll find the rhythm to quite quickly.
Finally, audience members, something that during all the shows I went to during the MICF I didn’t have a problem with (or rather not enough of a problem to mention anything).
On this occasion however this was the first time that I contemplated throttling someone to stop them what they were doing.
Lollies, specifically Minties and Fantales were thrown around by the warm up guy (whose name was Brian and whose last name I can’t recall). I presume they’re these two because it gives you something to eat and more to the point will stop you from talking (hopefully).
I didn’t indulge in them, mostly because I find they make me thirsty after you’ve chewed / sucked them for all they’re worth.
The guy next to me though seemed obsessed by them, scrambling around for them and pissed off that he missed out in having them thrown in his (and therefore my) general direction.
He didn’t just suck them, no, nor politely chew. No, this was “chomp, chomp, chomp” and then shove more than one in his mouth, “chomp, chomp, chomp”. At one point that was all I could hear, “chomp, chomp, chomp”, I’m sure Lawrence Mooney was saying something at one of those points.
From what I gathered he likes to go to TV show tapings and was going to The Footy Show taping later this week. So perhaps he knew better than me how to behave in these TV recording situations.
Perhaps that is how one should behave in these situations, fill your mouth with sweets, laugh and clap like someone who’s mixed the cordial with vodka instead of water.
I think Dirty Laundry Live has a future, though I’m not entirely confident that they’ll get it completely right on the first night. Just as it will supposedly be actual live to air, rather than live to tape (which is where they record it as though it were live with minimal edits but it goes out at a different time). With live to air there’s lots of things to get right and can go wrong. Dirty Laundry Live has 16 episodes so there’s plenty of them for them to work out all the kinks and problems with their production.
I’d also encourage anyone to get into the audience for Dirty Laundry Live (or any of the ABC’s other shows that have an audience like Adam Hills Tonight). It’s great TV that’s still being shot in their Gordon Street/Rippon Lea Studios in Elsternwick. As (not for the first time) it’s been announced that the ABC will be consolidating all its studios at their Southbank facility, so it’s only a matter of time (probably) until they move away from the Elsternwick studios.
It’s also a free night out where you get to see some people be funny and get a look behind the making of a TV show.
**Note: If you’re going to book a seat use an email address that doesn’t include your name as the people at the ABC sending out seat confirmation emails seem not to know how to use the ‘BCC’ field and just chucked everyone’s emails into the ‘To’ field.