Barker's Premium Cordial review

Around about a year ago now I emailed Barker's of New Zealand about the availability of their Blackcurrant cordial. I am something of a fan of blackcurrant cordial and was dismayed to find that it was (at that time) no longer available in Coles.

They replied back and said that there would be more in the new year of 2017, but to tie me over they wanted to send me a sample box of three of their cordials and that I should review them.

The box arrived a few weeks later much to my surprise there were three full bottles of cordial.

I opened one (the blackcurrant) and tried the other and intended to write a review.
But things got in the way and now I realised that they're about to pass their best before dates so I thought I had better write something about them.

Barker's Squeezed Blackcurrants

I quite like blackcurrant cordial, I grew up drinking Ribena.
Latterly I have been trying to cut back my soft drink intake (I'm also not much of an alcohol drinker), first it was cutting cutting back the coke and instead lemonade, then got rid of that for a Soda Stream and their flavour liquid stuff.
Then early in 2017 I cut that out and went to other things, mostly Barker's Squeezed Blackcurrant cordial.
I had, before finding Barker's tried all the others that are available in Australian supermarkets; Ribena, Cascade Blackcurrant cordial, Coles Brand Blackcurrant and Bickfords' Blackcurrant cordial.
Ribena, while I had enjoyed it for a long time, but had found it a little too sweet.
I had switched to Cascade's blackcurrant cordial for a time, and for a long time that was my go-to blackcurrant cordial, it wasn't as sweet as Ribena and it was Australian made. But then when Cascade was sold to Coke, something in the recipe was changed and it became more sweet than it had been and I started looking for another blackcurrant cordial.

Then I found Barker's, which tastes like blackcurrants. Which is as it should be for a blackcurrant cordial, but it's surprisingly hard to find one that isn't overpoweringly sweet.

Barker's isn't as sweet as the other blackcurrant cordials and it genuinely tastes like blackcurrants; with their tart earthiness coming through in the drink.

I drink the Barker's Squeezed Blackcurrants practically every day, it's my go to cool drink.
In the winter, later at night if I want a hot drink and don't want a cup of tea, a little bit of Barker's Squeezed Blackcurrants in a mug with some hot water makes a great late evening drink. Making it with hot water, rather than cold brings out flavours in it that you scarcely notice when you make it with cold water.

The photo is not of that free bottle they sent me, that's one of about 10 bottles that I have in the cupboard, just so I don't run out of it.

Barker's Redcurrant with Cranberry & Pomegranate

This was the other cordial I tried when I first got that box of three free bottles a year ago, and I tried it a couple of times and it's sat in the fridge until now, when I tipped it out as it had just about passed its best before date.

The smell of it, didn't inspire confidence, it had something of an air of 'hand washing liquid'.

The taste wasn't amazing. It was dominated by the cranberry, the red currants gave a sharp tartness to the flavour. It I had to say where the pomegranate flavour was it was probably in the aftertaste of the cordial.

Barker's Lemon with Lime Cucumber & Mint

This is less bad than the cranberry cordial. It again is mostly dominated by the lemon and lime. Again the finish sort of has the vague hint of cucumber, I'm not sure the mint is really present.
If the mint is present it's more for a sort of lingering coolness than really defined 'mintiness'. It's certainly a more adult sort of flavour, but I think it'd be more interesting as an additive to a cocktail or even a mocktail rather than being a flavour on its own.

In summing up I wholly recommend Barker's Squeezed Blackcurrants - Premium Crafted Cordial.
It is a little more expensive than the likes of Ribena, because it's a premium product. It comes in a glass bottle, the Barker's logo embossed on the bottle. The label even has a feel of having thought and time considered upon it, it's not a plastic label like some cordial.
I also think that blackcurrant it an under appreciated flavour, its tartness, its...sharp flavour is one that seldom turns up in drinks. Of the non-alcoholic drinks that are available, many, plenty are *sweet* but few are more complex than that. Certainly you can select something citrus-based, which will deliver a sharp tart hit of flavour without descending into overt sweetness (especially something like grapefruit juice). Outside of the citrus-based drinks are only a few 'other fruit' based cordials or drinks of similar ilk. Blackcurrant fills this space very well, being a flavour that is not present in a lot of foods sold in Australia, but is still familiar and welcoming.

Update 2019: Coles now no longer sell Barker’s, but you (and I do) buy direct from their Australian website if in Australia.

Update 2023: It now appears Barker’s Australian website stocks their cordials under two different headings. “Premium Mixers”; Blood Orange, Lime & Bitters. NZ Apple & Elderflower. Pink Grapefruit & Lemon. Lemon, Lime, Cucumber & Mind. And “Classic Fruit syrups”: NZ Blackcurrants. Lite Lime & Barley. Orange & Barley with Passionfruit.

V Pure mark 1 review

This is a review of V Pure mark 1, released in 2017, for the new version released 2019 see my review here.

An artisanal energy drink.

V Pure contains 5 natural ingredients, so the neck of the bottle says.

Apple Juice, Sparkling Water, Lemon Juice, Guarana Extract, Natural V Flavour

What the "Natural V Flavour" is isn't exactly explained. Given that it's got a 'wheat derivatives' notice on the bottle one might presume that the "Natural V Flavour" has something derived from wheat within it.

V Pure is pretty good. It's not as sweet as regular V, my go-to energy drink of choice.

The V Pure bottle is the same volume as the slightly larger V cans you can buy in the supermarket. That is the 275ml cans. These are marginally larger than the 250ml but obviously not as much volume as the 500ml 'double sized' cans. I find the 500ml cans too much in one sitting. While I might, if I'm out and about throughout the day consume 2 cans of V, I wouldn't want to all at once.

Regarding the sugar content the lack of it is noticeable, though not unpleasantly so, there's certainly a more tart flavour that comes from the lack of sugar. V Pure per 275ml serving has 17.7 grams of sugar while regular V per 275ml serving has 29.2 grams of sugar.

Will I buy V Pure again? Probably, it is less sweet and more interestingly flavoured. But it probably won't replace the regular V for me, in part because it is more expensive than regular V, but also because sometimes I'm looking for that hit of sweet tartness that V brings.

Van Gogh and the Seasons

Seen through the screen of a camera, heard through the audio tour and experienced via the gift shop.

National Gallery of Victoria.jpg

The Van Gogh and the Seasons is at the National Gallery of Victoria (NGV) until 9th July 2017.

I visited the NGV on Tuesday 6th June 2017 around 1:00 pm, and I was glad I went mid-week and in the middle of the day, I can’t imagine how insufferably busy it would be on a weekend of public holiday.

I don’t know if I’m a traditionalist or what, but I like to appreciate the art for what it is, that thing on the wall. Yes, some context is nice, but I didn’t need, nor want to watch the narrated movie experience that everyone seemed to sit down and diligently watched at the beginning of the exhibition.

Next you walk through prints of art works which set the scene and tone for the Seasons exhibition. I have a somewhat narrow view of prints, that they’re good for your home, they may even be good for collecting, but if I’m out in a museum or art gallery context, I want to see the original. I understand the need to set context, but this seemed more like they needed something to pad out the exhibition, that this room was as much about buffering the crowds as it was information delivery.

The mesh curtain

Then finally past a mesh curtain and you’re into the main gallery.

Once in there I was struck by the somewhat surreal nature, not of seeing the art work, but of the people in there viewing it and how they interacted with the art work.
There were four different types of people in there seeing the art work.
Those following a guide who seemed to be explaining, with a little more detail what was on the placards beside the art works.
Those with headphones on, listening to the audio guide.
People taking photos, and seemingly viewing the art work long enough to take a photo.
And then there were the people that were doing none of these things, and were simply looking at the art work.

The crowds

I was in the small last group, just looking at the art work, I admit, I did take a few photos, of the crowds, not of the paintings.

To the people taking photos, some I wanted to scream at, there was one guy, who had headphones on for the audio guide and was taking photos with a separate camera. It also made a noise when it took a photo, 3 seconds worth. <camera takes photo> ‘Click, Click, Click’. I was ready to scream, or at least ask him politely to turn off the sound effect, but instead I just studied the paintings for a little longer until he moved on to the next area.

The people listening to the audio guides, they perplexed me, it seemed like they were stuck on rails. I would guess that the audio guide allowed for a certain amount of time, or narration to explain the art work, during which time the people would stand in front of the art work looking at it for the set amount of time and then they moved off, as though on cart’s breaks had been let off carrying them on their rails to the next piece of art work.

Tour group

Those with a guide, some inexplicably also had headphones for the audio guide, I don’t know why. These people with a guide were at least all contained within one group, so once they cleared away from one art work you could stand in front of it and appreciate it.

The crowd and the portrait

The people taking photos, with their phones and in one or two cases with an iPad mini or phablet, I just wanted to tell them ‘don’t use the digital zoom, it’s not going to improve the image, just move closer’, but I didn’t want to engage with them. I could sort of understand that they wanted to capture their experience of being there. But buying the book at the end of the exhibit would present them with much nicer photos than what they captured with their phone cameras. Also, they like the audio guide people seemed to spend enough time in front of the art work to frame it up and capture it on their phones before moving off. It didn’t even seem like some of them actually looked at the art works themselves, not with their own eyes. They took photos of the description placard, maybe even read it, then they looked at the art work, but just enough to...I dunno, see it for a moment.
I just thought, what’s the point of that.

I wanted to see the art work, to experience it in the flesh, with my own eyes. See it as a three dimensional object, see the paint blobs, the brush strokes, the passion that was in the paintings.

Placard and plinth

There were flat wood plinths in front of the art work so you couldn’t stand in front of the art works themselves. The plinths were maybe 800 mm wide, but they did have a gap underneath so I tucked my feet underneath and could lean forward and look at the art work close up, to see the blobs of paint, to experience the art works in person. This is what I wanted, I wanted to see, to experience them, not through a screen, filter or audio visual experience. Just with my own eyes, not curated into an experience.

I knew going into the exhibit that it was organised by seasons, it is after all what the exhibit is called. But I’m still not sure I really enjoyed it, presented like that. I think I would have preferred a linear experience, to see Van Gogh’s art work presented through a linear time scale; beginning with his early work and finishing with his later work so you could see a development in style. Rather than experiencing the exhibit through tone.
In presenting it through tone and setting it did make me look and appreciate Van Gogh’s style more, looking at the similar styles he used or composition through the different works. It also made me realise I’d missed out on a lot of Van Gogh’s work that isn’t colourful painting.

I’ve seen some Van Gogh art work before, in 2010, in Canberra at the ‘Masterpieces from Paris’ exhibition at the National Gallery of Australia, https://nga.gov.au/Exhibition/MasterpiecesFromParis/ it wasn’t just Van Gogh, it was other art works from the Musee D’Orsay as well.

I rate that a better experience than at the NGV, perhaps in part there were fewer people, and there was definitely a lot less people taking photos (though it was 7 years ago, so a lesser acceptance of it). But it just felt like a more respected experience of the art work.
Also, seeing the art work there, gave me an emotional response, I felt moved by the art work I saw there. Especially The Starry Night which seeing in person just blew me away, it was a moving experience seeing it. It was just so different, so many textures, so much more depth than all the prints, reproductions and whatever of it. In fact all the art work I saw there, had depth, texture and reality to it.

The quote in the gift shop 'The way to know life is to love many things'

At Van Gogh and the Seasons, this too was the case, you could see the texture, the difference, the physicality to the art work that you do not get seeing it published in a book or presented online.
But none of it moved me, none of it gave me those pangs of emotion upon seeing the art work.
Some art work did give me window into Van Gogh’s earlier work that I hadn’t been aware of, in particular his drawings, these I found fascinating and an art style that I’d not seen from Van Gogh popularised much.

I think it’s a great opportunity to see Van Gogh’s works, especially as it’s in Melbourne, although even if it wasn’t in Melbourne I would likely make the effort to go and see an international art exhibition if it were within Australia somewhere, if it were of a notable artist such as Van Gogh.

Property for $50,000 in 2017

A year ago I wrote about what you might be able to buy, property wise if you had $50,000. It’s a tiny amount considering the booming property market in Australia, but is there anything available that you could actually live in? Or at the least live in while you renovated? 

For this search I’m restricting it to Victoria as it’s the state I live in and I’m using the domain.com.au app for iOS on an iPad as it lets me draw a circle to search an area, the browser-based search forces you to state a suburb or area you’re looking for. 

When I began researching this I wasn’t hopeful of finding much, but I thought I’d find a few more awful properties or barely liveable properties than I did, in fact all I found were two properties.

First up 40 Nelson Street, Nhill - $39,000 (stamp duty if this is your first home $343, if this isn’t your first home then stamp duty doubles to $686. Making this house $39,343 for a first home buyer or $39,686 if not).

It’s a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house, however it does have a detached 2 room bungalow, I would say it looks like a shed, except it’s got two doors on it, so it could be used for accommodation.

This property is interesting in that there’s a prior listing for it on realestate.com.au from two years ago. It sold on the 29th July 2015 for $30,000.

So what’s changed in 2 years? 

When it was sold 2 years ago it was sold as a deceased estate, with the deceased estate’s belongings still within as the listing states:

The home itself is in need of a lot of attention INSIDE AND OUT and buyers be aware your buying this at your own risk. The home itself comes FULL of contents everywhere and in every room (as far as the vendors are aware).

In the 2 years since it was sold it now looks like the house and 2 room bungalow has been painted, and as the new listing states:

new hot water service, new toilet and even sections of the roof has been replaced

Looking between the two listings and the Google Street View photos it looks like the roof has been replaced, at least on the front and in the last 17 years it’s been improved upon significantly.

Regarding Nhill itself, it doesn’t look too bad in terms of facilities, there’s three primary schools, The Overland train stops at the train station three times a week. Luv-a-Duck has a processing facility in the town,  while not listed anywhere that I could easily find, after looking at Google Earth for a while I found it, located at 160 Rupps Road, Nhill. Nhill also has an airport, golf course and three pubs. 

I’m sure there’s lot of downsides to Nhill. Chief amongst them is that it’s far, though not impossibly so from Melbourne. It’s about 4 hours to Melbourne, or 3 hours 45 minutes to Adelaide. This even measurement makes sense when you consider several logistics companies use Nhill as a switchover / half way point for trucks. 

The second property is 59 Lower Roy Street, Jeparit - $45,000 (stamp duty is $415 for first home buyers and $830 if not. Making it $45,415 for first home buyers or $45,830 if not).

It looks worse, is in a smaller town than Nhill (although it’s just a 30 minute drive up the road). 

It does have one extra bedroom being a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom compared to the house in Nhill.

And that is the only positive. The house in Nhill appears liveable, albeit rustic, this house, however is really one you’d need to rip up the floor coverings (carpet, lino etc) and go back to bare wood before you moved in.

Positives...? It has an outdoor laundry. And the town is the birthplace of Sir Robert Menzies. 

Unfortunately, that’s it for property for $50,000. There are some other properties listed that I haven’t mentioned as they don’t technically meet the definition of property that you can own forever. These are dwellings like cabins at caravan parks (sometimes referred to as “villas”). With these you might own the cabin, but pay rent on the land. So there’s little security with these things, unless you’ve got an ironclad contract. At least compared to a house and the land it sits on where you own it forever.

I acknowledge that $50,000 is a tiny amount of money to begin with for purchasing property, but I think it’s an interesting place to start researching what lies at the bottom of the market.

MICF 2017 - Little Dum Dum Club (4)

Sunday 23rd April 2017 - 3:00 pm
European Bier Cafe

I decided not to stay for the Little Dum Dum Club Drunkcast, having been to the last few years’ Drunkcasts (2016 & 2014) I decided not to attend. They are fun, but as the Little Dum Dum Club begins at 3:00 pm that means there’s over 7 hours to kill, and as I’d seen all the comedy shows that I really wanted to see I decided not to remain.

But onto the final Little Dum Dum Club which took place during though no a part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2017.

The guests were; Nick Cody, Stuart Goldsmith and Nick Capper.

What I learnt from this podcast is that Nick Capper takes forever to tell a story. I’m not sure I ever want to hear him tell a story, ever.

Like many new guests to the podcast Stuart Goldsmith seemed a little taken aback by the adversarial nature of the live podcast environment. The gentle ribbing that Tommy and Karl give each other, the audience and their guests.

I’d not heard of Stuart Goldsmith and his podcast before, but it certainly sounds interesting, with him speaking with comedians about their craft and how they write.

In general it was a good episode of the podcast, Chandler didn’t read anything from VIPFAQ, but both he and Tommy did mock the blind and handicapped, so that’s another feature in the podcast’s cap of mocking marginalised people, all in the name of rifffing and comedyyyy.

One revelation during the podcast recording was that for the Drunkcast there was going to be costumes sourced from a costume shop in Airport West, so that should be interesting for those going to the Drunkcast, especially given the amazing musical number that last year’s Drunkcast had.

MICF 2017 - Eli Mathewson - The Year of Magical Fucking

One row from the stage

Sunday 10th April 2017 - 8:45 pm

I saw Eli Mathewson last year, it was actually in the same room as last year the “Carpet Room” with is an...intimate room. It’s tiny. All the seats are bench, though padded seats with about as much leg room as a church pew. Each pew could seat four people and there was maybe 6-8 rows.  

Eli suggests he’s worried that he’s losing his hair, he’s got a hat on, so it’s hard to tell.
His jokes and stories are a little disconnected throughout the show, with some role playing in the middle of the show that seems to act as a paragraph break between two halves of the show.

The first half of the show would be ‘establishing’, his character, his life so far, how he sees the world. The second half, I would group as ‘relationship’ and life, people who he slept, a French backpacker whom he slept with who thought he was in Lord of the Rings (the Two Towers Extended Edition). His story humorously moves to his current boyfriend and how they came to meet.

I wouldn’t say this show was on late, at 8:45 pm, but as I’d been in Melbourne since 3:00 pm for the Little Dum Dum Club it felt like it was. After it, had I known what it would be like, I’m not sure if I would have hung around for it. It’s not a negative per se on the show, it’s just in a time slot that is interesting as there’s nothing particularly confrontational or mature that would warrant a later time slot for the show.

MICF 2017 - Sarah Kendall - Shaken

Sunday 10th April 2017 - 7:30 pm

I didn’t like Sarah Kendall’s show to begin with and I think by the end I would say I’d warmed to her show, but not exactly heated through. Like a frozen meat pie thrown in the microwave with very little care to its position or time.

Kendall’s show is of a single lie with a small amount of truth in it. The framing device for this is seeing a therapist.
I feel like this element, the why she was seeing a therapist wasn’t really explained to the audience very well, there was a brief mention of her talking about her show last year, which might have given backstory to this fact but...I didn’t see her show last year and mostly just bought a ticket to her show because I recognised her name. For a moment I couldn’t recall where, but it was on Wil Anderson’s Wilosophy podcast. According to iTunes I listened to it, but don’t recall much, but I thought that was enough to take a punt and see her.
I just felt that the ‘therapist’ framing device, seemed...an interesting choice. It was to establish that the stories she tells are just that, stories, with a little hint of truth in it mixed up with embellishments and lies.

At the end, there were some characters who I wanted to be more fleshed out, the police sergeant especially, I wanted to know what happened to him.

Kendall’s show is a show about stories and lies. How they’re crafted and how they’re created, the power and the danger that breeds, and I imagine how that builds and creates a person. Some of the ideas I feel needed more of an exploration. I know that all comedians lie and craft stories, that what you see in a show isn’t the “truth” it’s a crafted experience. Kendall launches that at the start, with the therapist framing device, openly acknowledging that what she says has some bits of truth in it. But I also think this dichotomy of information presented means that you can’t fully engage with the story, even though if you’re not you’re assuming a multi-layer story. The reason I wonder this, is that Kendall establishes that her stories are fiction with a hint of truth. So it makes you wonder if the the “truth” is also fiction with a hint of truth, rather than true “truth”, which stopped me fully engaging with her story.

MICF 2017 - Daniel Sloss - So?

Sunday 10th April 2017 - 6:00 pm

Daniel Sloss’ show begins with a question, which none of the audience answered in the affirmative, which seemed to surprise Sloss, that no one would answer yes to this question, which helps to begin and frame his show.
The question which is “do you think you are a good person?”

He suggests he doesn’t think so, because of the bad things he thinks (although does not do).
But he doesn’t just restrict himself to this concept, he moves around through a variety of topics; vegans especially get a more than lengthy mention. Also liberals (in the small L sense not the Australian government sense), which leads into the concepts within the left the right politics wise and the odd position the right and left are in regarding acceptance within their respective ideologies. Along the way there’s some linguistics discussion which is really quite fascinating and interesting. Plus also discussion or what art and art reviewers have to contribute to the working experience of art.

Sloss’ show is deeply honest, a little bit dark, but not as complex as his show last year, which dealt in a strangely positive way with the death of his sister.

Sloss’ show “So?” is I think the most intelligent show I’ve seen so far, the most well thought out, he makes some great arguments. The show is well paced and when he starts he gets right into it with no distractions getting in the way of his performance. Sloss has a great confidence on stage, it brings the audience along with his performance.

I look forward to seeing what Sloss does next year.

MICF 2017 - Little Dum Dum Club (3)

Sunday 10th April 2017 - 3:00 pm

Tom Gleeson, Nazeem Hussain, Guy Montgomery. The guests this week on the Little Dum Dum Club, a live podcast not registered nor part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2017.

Tom Gleeson was either quite hot, quite sweaty or did not like the lights, because he seemed to be turning quite read and sweaty whilst giving Tommy and Karl a bit of a roast while on stage.

There were fewer visual jokes this week, so at least the audio version of the podcast will work. There was further exploration and attempt to nail down who the ‘New Zealand comedian who shit his pants and stole some at a comedy gig’ was.

But really, it was an hour of funny comedy which hadn’t been rehearsed and was all over the place.

MICF 2017 James Veitch - Dot Con

Sunday 9th April 2017 - 7:15 pm

I realised probably three quarters of the way through James Veitch’s “Dot Con” that I had seen a lot of what he was performing before. Either on YouTube or maybe some other comedy or British show, but I had seen his performance / presentation before.

Essentially his show is about replying to and taking up time of online scam artists; the “Nigerian prince” scam or the “I have X million of gold” or any of the “western union” scams.

Veitch puts his correspondence up on a digital projector and then performs what’s written on the screen. I don’t know how it could be done without it, but with it, you’re able to read along with him, and I’m not sure if this really helps the performance or not. I found it distracted from it a little bit as you’re reading along with him.

The last quarter of his show was the part I found most amusing, basically a development of the first 3/4 of the show, building on the concept of him ‘taking things too far’. It involves rubber ducks, and as he noted the audience laughs before he shows various images, cementing his point.

I enjoyed his performance and would like to see more of James Veitch even though this show didn’t completely grab me, I think he’s an engaging funny performer.

MICF 2017 - The Little Dum Dum Club (2)

Sunday 9th April 2017- 3:00 pm

The podcast began with a rather dark, but touching tale of a man who faced with visiting the Westgate and doing a June Northern turned to a mistaken email chain which quite possibly saved him.

White wine with ice

The guests were for this episode: Hamish Blake, Peter Helliar and Kitty Flanagan.
Kitty Flanagan was the only one who wasn’t aware of the podcast before coming on and I feel spent a lot of it on stage just in stunned awe.
From where I was sat, basically the same place as last week, maybe one more to the right (stage left) as she settled into her stool I could only see her shoes and her hands / mic for most of the time she was on stage.

"Andy Lee"

"Andy Lee"

There were some stories, some role playing and a guest appearance of “Andy Lee” (Greg Larsen).

Sunday’s live podcast was a little more tame, (relatively, for the Little Dum Dum Club) a bit more suicide, a little less racism than last week.

MICF 2017 Hannah Gadsby - Nanette

Sunday 2nd April - 6:00 pm

I wouldn’t recommend anyone seeing Hannah Gadsby’s show who hasn’t seen her previously and wasn’t familiar with her work. I also wouldn’t recommend seeing Gadsby if you’re looking for traditional comedy either.

I also wouldn’t recommend seeing if if you read her MICF show description.

All that said it’s...different, and it’s certainly an insightful, emotional performance.

There weren’t a lot of laughs in this show, and it covers several pretty rocky, mature and unfunny subjects.

I certainly admire Hannah Gadsby’s determinism, if this is the show she’s going to be performing throughout the MICF, because it’s heavy stuff. Heavy and perhaps cathartic? I’m not sure.

During the show I thought that maybe I’d classify it as slow burn or low key comedy, but the comedy was...somewhat lacking.

I once heard, I think Wil Anderson on a podcast say that comedians take real life, or real life events, or events that happened nearby to them and re-craft them, edit and finesse them and then that’s where you get a joke from.
Hannah Gadsby said in her show that a comedian injects anxiety into the room and then alleviates it with a joke. Except in her show, where the anxiety is just left hanging.
In this sense it felt a lot more like a lecture / monologue than a comedy show with structure or flow.

One part of the show that I did enjoy, and which Gadsby spoke with passion about was art history, cultural identifies and our perception of these. While not laugh a minute funny it was insightful and interesting.

Gadsby says something at the start of her show, that elicited a big ‘awww, no’ from the audience, and at the end it’s countered by a statement of ‘I’m just getting started’. At the end, coupled with this statement, Nanette, really seemed like a catharsis, an unloading of information, of thoughts and ideas, of pains and of history. There are passions that come through in the show, there is anger, frustration and there are some, fleeting moments of humour. It wasn’t what I was expecting and I wouldn’t see it again, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who’s looking for a night of comedy. But if you’re a fan of Hannah Gadsby it will certainly be insightful although not what you’d be expecting. I look forward to the future of Gadsby’s career, be it another different show or in another medium.

MICF 2017 - Little Dum Dum Club (1)

Sunday 2nd April 2017 - 3:00 pm

Nine minutes of a remix from the podcast of the two dickheads saying “dumb cunt”.

That’s how the podcast began, which meant that they got onto the stage nine minutes late.

The guests were: Wil Anderson, Dilruk Jayasinha and Stephen K. Amos, plus a last minute appearance by Xavier Michelides for “Xavier’s Corner”.

Live podcast recordings, no matter which one are usually really good value, amazingly so. You’re at least getting three, usually more than that on stage for an hour. It’s unscripted, unwritten and really quite good. It’s often a bit unexpected and kinda like a TV show you need to listen to a few episodes back before seeing it to get the in jokes.

Such as the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival, for which you could buy t-shirts to support, also known as Karl Chandler’s excuse to go on (another) holiday to Thailand. Supposedly 75 people have said they would be going, I am not one of them.

The stage awaiting the arrival of the "dumb cunts"

While I’ve titled this as being part of the MICF 2017, it isn’t, well, not technically, it’s not listed on the comedyfestival.com.au website and it’s not promoted as being a part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. It just happens to be taking place during April which coincidentally is when the MICF is on. I imagine it’s a cost thing, the MICF would charge cash to be listed on their website, to go in their little booklet etc.
In previous years I know it was, but this year, with the season passes selling out and the room looking pretty packed I would imagine that there’s enough word of mouth for them not to need to be within the MICF’s guises.
You can book through the Little Dum Dum Club website they use TryBooking rather than Ticketmaster, for the Little Dum Dum Club and for Tommy Dassalo and Karl Chandler’s own shows, again I gather from their diatribe on the Little Dum Dum Club this is a cost thing with Ticketmaster taking a fairly sizeable chunk.

The Tondu Revolution

Inspired by this tweet and this tweet along with also my own.

Written in about an hour or so.

If this were a Third Doctor era story I imagine it would have a working title of The Spam Mines of Tondu. But would end up with a title like The Tondu Revolution.

Jo Grant walked into the Doctor’s office to see the door to the TARDIS opening and the noise of the Doctor’s singing coming from within.
“Doctor?” Jo called, not wanting to intrude in the Doctor’s space.
“In here Jo, come in,” the Doctor called, his voice beckoning her to enter the time machine.
“Doctor, what is it?” She asked as she walked into the bigger space within.
The Doctor was moving around the console adjusting settings and doing whatever it was he did when he was messing around with the console. “Ah Jo, good, thought you’d like to pop along with me.”
“Pop? Doctor I thought you said there was months of work to be done before you could use the new circuits the Time Lords gave you after Omega and all that anti-matter stuff?” Jo asked and looked from the Doctor to the doors that remained open.
The Doctor beamed at her as he flicked a switch and with an other world whirr the TARDIS doors closed firmly. “Just a test flight Jo, a quick trip to Kabel Black and back.”
“Kabel Black?” Jo furrowed her brow at the Doctor. “That doesn’t sound like a planet name,” she paused and then added. “Not that I’ve been to that many planets.”
The Doctor shook his head. “Ah, well, it’s not, that’s not its proper name, but it was named ‘Boulder’ and then in the Futura wars it was decided that...” he trailed off and grinned. “I wouldn’t have known that before, when I was first trapped on Earth.”
Jo put her hands on her hips and looked at the Doctor. “This isn’t going to be a dangerous trip Doctor, the Brigadier wants my latest report and Mike Yates-“
The Doctor cut her off. “Mike Yates is a captain in UNIT Jo, he can take care of himself while we pop over to Kabel Black for a spot of cheese,” the Doctor explained as he threw some levers and the central part of the console began to move.
Jo looked at the Doctor. “So we’re going to this planet so you can pick up some cheese, oh Doctor, can’t you just pop round to Tesco’s like anyone else?”
“But Jo,” the Doctor smiled at her. “I’m not just anyone else.”

--//

Inside a well maintained building a blue box wheezed and groaned its way into reality and a moment later two people stepped out of the box.
“Ah, oh,” the Doctor said as he looked around.
“This doesn’t look like the local shops Doctor,” Jo looked back to the TARDIS and then around it. “The TARDIS has gone wrong again hasn’t it Doctor?”
“It hasn’t gone wrong Jo, it’s been a long time since the old girl flew under her own control, this is a perfectly safe part of the local space time to be in,” he explained as he went through the papers on a nearby desk.
“We’re still in the same group, as long as we’re not in the Helvetica Contingent...oh no,” the Doctor suddenly said as his eyes settled on the well made minimalist furniture.
“What is it Doctor?” Jo asked, knowing the Doctor’s tone, she looked back to make sure the TARDIS hadn’t been snatched away from them.
“We’ve missed,” he paused and continued with a tone of dread. “We’re on Tondu Jo.”
“What’s Tondu?” Jo asked looking around the office they were in. “It’s so space age funky! Is this Tondu furniture?”
It was then that all the lights snapped off, Jo resisted the urge to shout in surprise, she’d been with the Doctor long enough to know that lights snapping off didn’t herald the beginning of deadly danger.
“Don’t worry Jo,” the Doctor had withdrawn a small torch from his pocket. “It’s just Tondu’s Spam miners striking affecting the power supplies, come on, we should have a look around,” the Doctor said not giving the TARDIS a second look as he walked through the door.
“Should we?” Jo asked the now empty room and took off on a run to catch the Doctor.
“...it’s not an awful planet Tondu,” the Doctor had been saying, to himself, or maybe he assumed she had been walking with him.
“And they mine Spam Doctor? Urgh, tinned meat, how do they mine it?” Jo asked recalling her parents talking about it as a staple post-war dish.
The Doctor shook his head. “Separated Phased Amplitude Miasma. SPAM, it’s used as a fuel in much of this galaxy.”
“Spam is petrol?” Jo asked with a wrinkle of her nose.
The Doctor nodded. “Exactly, when it’s refined it becomes a useful gelatine-like fuel for those within the-“
“Hang on, you’re the one always going on about fossil fuels on Earth Doctor, isn’t this the same thing, aren’t these people also using Spam fuel?” Jo challenged and smiled as the Doctor rubbed his neck in thought.
“Well, it’s not that simple, after Tondu left the Galactic Union its exports became taxed differently,” the Doctor paused as the lights around them flickered back on. “they didn’t have much else to sell.”
“Nothing but Spam?” Jo asked.
“They make a decent white wine in the hills and they once excellent in architecture, rumour had it that the-“ the Doctor didn’t get to finish as the door at the end of the corridor they were walking along burst open.
“Stay where you are, who are you!” Shouted someone.
Jo couldn’t see who they were but the air from the outside world wafted in, it smelt...she wasn’t sure, but not like Spam, she would always know that fatty, vaguely spiced pig meat smell.
The Doctor was explaining to the people confronting them that they were just visitors, looking for a bit of wine and cheese.
Jo fancied she wouldn’t mind some wine, even if if was barely 10 in the morning on Earth. The smell from outside was intensifying, it was musty and dry, but she couldn’t identify what it was.

-/

Jo wriggled in the handcuffs, except they weren’t they were an ‘elastised polymer chain’ according to the Doctor, made from the Tondu’s Spam by-products. They were being lead out from the Tondu’s Chief Ministry of Politics, that was where the TARDIS had landed and to a holding facility, pending a trial.
“This is no way to treat prisoners. You might have left the Galactic Union but you still should be abiding by their laws,” the Doctor was protesting. His shoulders was stretched back, as were hers by the angle and tightness of the Spam restraints.
“No, we don’t that’s why we left the GU, so we didn’t have to listen to you sympathisers,” said one of the guards.
Jo was about to retort that they weren’t sympathisers, she didn’t even know who they were meant to be sympathising with, but just as she was about to open her mouth the person leading them was enveloped in a mauve and chartreuse glow.
“Stunned, come on Jo,” the Doctor muttered into her ear and took off at a run, far faster than she was able to, especially with her hands tied in such and awkward way.
“Doctor, wait...” she tried to say as she ran over the cobbled streets, then, as the Doctor was shouting something she lost her footing and tried to put her hands out to stop the streets coming up to hit her head....

-/

The world swam back into foggy reality, Jo realised that she was alive and her hands were unbound and she was sat in a comfortable sofa.
“Here, Jo, the Doctor said you’d like a cup of...tea?” A kindly voice offered her a mug of what looked and smelt like black tea.
“Thank you...” Jo trailed off as she looked up at the young man with intense golden eyes.
“The Doctor’s with the rest of the Spam Resistance,” the young man said gesturing to a small screen that was propped up beside her. It looked like a television but was as thin as a magazine.
“How hard did I hit my head?” Jo reached up, but her head felt fine.
“Only a few hours, the Doctor said you should rest, he’s helping us with the rolling blackouts,” the golden eyed young man said and then took a seat opposite explaining what the Doctor had done.

Jo had to admit, that the Doctor worked fast, in barely three hours he’d met the Spam Resistance who were convinced they were Galactic Union negotiators working with the Kabel Black Initiative. Now they were escalating the power crisis and halting the Spam mining and exports. Within the next few hours the government should surrender and...
“Ah, Jo, Nic old chap you should be able to meet up with the others now,”
The younger man Nic nodded and smiled gently at her. “I’ll leave you two together.”
“Ah, tea, thank you Jo, very kind,” the Doctor took her half drunk tea swallowing it on one mouthful.
“Doctor? How can you have caused a revolution in two hours?”
The Doctor beamed at her. “Two and a half Jo, plus planning.”
“Do they really think we’re Galactic Union representatives?” She asked in a low tone.
“Best not mention that bit Jo, though I have tried to dissuade them of that assumption,” the Doctor explained carefully.
Jo sighed. “Now what?”
“Now we just watch them do it themselves, they’ve promised us a very nice case of wine for our troubles,” the Doctor said looking off into the middle distance for a moment.
“And that’s it Doctor? We just sit and wait for them to fight?” Jo asked, it felt a little bit...simple.
The Doctor leaned back. “Jo, this is their planet, occasionally all it needs is a little push, the Spam miners have been protesting for years now since Tondu exiting the Galactic Union. Spam and their architectural exports have been the only thing keeping their planet from falling completely into recession.”
There was a thud and a rumble outside and the lights went off.
Even through the gloom Jo could see the Doctor beaming. “It begins.”


-/

The Doctor was wheeling what looked like several cases of odd oblong-shaped bottles into the TARDIS.
Jo followed and wondered. “Doctor, is this what happens when you drop around for a bottle of Spumante?”
The Doctor raised his eyebrow. “Spumante?”
“Or Rosé, I don’t mind,” Jo offered.
“Oh, Jo, no. Not every planet needs to be over thrown. The Spam miners just needed a push,” the Doctor offered as he closed the TARDIS doors.
“What now Doctor?” Jo asked as the Doctor started moving around the console.
“Now Jo?” He asked.
“Are we going back to UNIT HQ?” Jo asked.
The Doctor paused in his movement and looked to her. “Well, we never did get that cheese.”
“And we do have all that wine,” Jo said with a smile.

--//

Notes:

I don’t think I’ve got the Third Doctor’s voice exactly right, I might go back at some point and edit it to make it a bit more Third Doctor-y. If I were writing it for anything other than a challenge I would go and re-watch some Third Doctor-era stories to get Pertwee's voice into my head to write him properly

Also, my muse sort of fizzled about half way through, and I found myself not really wanting to write a whole revolution so I decided to knock Jo out and rush everything along a bit faster.