Mum, has cancer, multiple myeloma.
I’ve not written or even tried to think about it up to now, now that it’s...that it’s the end.
Lately, there is not respite from thinking about it, not sleeping, or eating or living life, just thoughts on it, about her and the time not spent.
Dreams have lately turned to nightmares, I don’t want to sleep and yet feel exhausted all of the time.
Mum’s in hospital now. She was taken by ambulance 2 days ago; pneumonia, again, the third time this year.
My brother and I have already had various talks today. I’ve cried, a lot. We, mum and I were close.
Now though I can’t, can’t see her, strapped up to so many machines, barely able to recognise us, my brother and I.
I keep thinking about the unfairness of it all. That multiple myeloma usually affects people over 50, something mum was barely. That out of the population it’s some minuscule amount of people of the population that it affects.
That...that is wasn’t another type of cancer, one that she could go into remission from, that she could survive.
Multiple myeloma was, no, is about managing its affects.
We had five years where we had the best care from the Alfred Hospital, the best care from the top man in the job.
Now though, I’m at a loss of what to do, I’ve spent five years caring, helping and other things with mum. Now I don’t really know what to do, what can be done.
Just the things that come at the end of the story, the funeral, mum’s friends, all those sorts of things.
Watching over my dad, helping my brother and then...I don’t know the future.
I know, logically that children outlive their parents, that’s the way of things, that’s how it goes.
Mum and I had spoken to each other just 2 days ago, that we knew it was coming, that it was inevitable, this...this end and everything.
I just...mum’s been with me all my life, and now...now I have to work out how to go forward.
I’ve not written or even tried to think about it up to now, now that it’s...that it’s the end.
Lately, there is not respite from thinking about it, not sleeping, or eating or living life, just thoughts on it, about her and the time not spent.
Dreams have lately turned to nightmares, I don’t want to sleep and yet feel exhausted all of the time.
Mum’s in hospital now. She was taken by ambulance 2 days ago; pneumonia, again, the third time this year.
My brother and I have already had various talks today. I’ve cried, a lot. We, mum and I were close.
Now though I can’t, can’t see her, strapped up to so many machines, barely able to recognise us, my brother and I.
I keep thinking about the unfairness of it all. That multiple myeloma usually affects people over 50, something mum was barely. That out of the population it’s some minuscule amount of people of the population that it affects.
That...that is wasn’t another type of cancer, one that she could go into remission from, that she could survive.
Multiple myeloma was, no, is about managing its affects.
We had five years where we had the best care from the Alfred Hospital, the best care from the top man in the job.
Now though, I’m at a loss of what to do, I’ve spent five years caring, helping and other things with mum. Now I don’t really know what to do, what can be done.
Just the things that come at the end of the story, the funeral, mum’s friends, all those sorts of things.
Watching over my dad, helping my brother and then...I don’t know the future.
I know, logically that children outlive their parents, that’s the way of things, that’s how it goes.
Mum and I had spoken to each other just 2 days ago, that we knew it was coming, that it was inevitable, this...this end and everything.
I just...mum’s been with me all my life, and now...now I have to work out how to go forward.